January 2008
27 posts
Click Here if Your Screen is Dirty →
It’s not a rick-roll… I swear!
“You need lubricant, or else you stop working!!”
– LY (in reference to how sore and tired we all are)
Hillside Self-Heating Beverages →
I saw these in Shoprite the other day, 2 for $5, so i decided to give ‘em a whirl. I finally tried one today and it is pretty cool how it heats it up. And it doesn’t just heat it until it will scald you, it actually heats it to the perfect temperature. Hot enough to be delicious, but not hot enough to burn the shit out of your mouth.
Are you smarter than a fifth grader: What object in our solar system contains 99% of its mass?
Miss America: The Universe?
Cube guy #1: I'm gonna need your help today getting into the client.
Cube guy #2: Didn't you do what I told you to do yesterday?
Cube guy #1: Oh, yeah. That worked -- I got in from the back end, but I want to get in the front of the box.
Cube guy #2: Well, to get in the front end of the client you need to follow a very different procedure.
Cube guy #1: Right, that's what I need. I'm hoping you could give me a little direction if you've ever done it that way.
Cube guy #2: Sure, that's the way I usually go in.
I have a ritual called 'terminator'. I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.
wateronsand: ls
wateronsand: oops, you're not an ssh terminal :)
nichiyume: someday
ASCII Animated Cat →
Student: Um, sir, don't you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I'm sure it was provocative.
Words of Wisdom (From the Bathroom Stalls) →
“There are a lot of great fathers out there… but if your daughter’s a...”
– Chris Rock
Young girl: I'm bored.
Father: Okay, let's play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go -- A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that's a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: ... I can't!
Father: That's because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay -- C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn't really give you credit for that... but I guess this time... D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.
RIAA CD Insert Parody →
“It is acceptable to play the CD around animals that cannot understand music (ferrets and certain breeds of cats)”
“Wanna go freeze babies? …Awww… I can’t be a parent!”
– LM
