September 2007
57 posts
August 2007
84 posts
Sullr Phone Lookup →
Reverse phone lookup for the restovus.
Receptionist: That goes on my to-do list right below having sex with a midget.
Girl on cell, completely serious: There's a party tonight, and the theme is bunnies.
American tourist: It all started when I said, 'Hey, Dave, are you up for a sword fight?'
Only Good Techno Lyrics
These lyrics are too funny not to post up here. It’s taken from a techno song that is best when sung on the highway at the top of your voice… give it a shot! “It’s 4AM I took you home, drunk as hell and I want to bone Shirt off, bra off, what you gonna do? Better move quick before I puke If you can’t perform I’ll go back to the club, don’t waste my time...
Riding on the Swells of Change
“America has freedom of speech because all words are considered equally vapid. Only images count—the censors love snaps of death & mutilation but recoil in horror at the sight of a child masturbating—apparently they experience this as an invasion of their existential validity, their identification with the Empire & its subtlest gestures. No doubt even the most poetic...
“They should really just replace ‘Calories’ with...”
– Me
Zip Line Ride Crazy Fun →
Quizno's All Over Again
Customer: Hi, I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We're out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there's no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there's no roast beef.
Girl: I was afraid I was going to say something like, 'I named my fetal pig after you!'
Enough Thrice For Now, Promise
“It’s been so long, and tin cans and string for years is all that we’ve known, could it be you’re really here ‘cause my eyes are open, and everything still moves in slow-motion, breathless and blue, and behind your eyes the sea oceans of light envelop me but things can’t be as they seem, I’m so far from home this must be another dream, but my eyes...
Hot dog vendor: How you like it?
Tourist: Just ketchup, please.
Hot dog vendor: You not like New York style?
Tourist: Sure, but not today.
Hot dog vendor, reluctantly handing over dog: I think you make very big mistake today, sir, and every day, too.
Schrodinger's Flowchart
JJ: So where is that step?
LY: That step is not in here. It's here, and it's not here.
New Indian cashier: I don't have any change. How do I get more change?
Old Indian cashier: Call on the intercom for the manager to come to the front.
New Indian cashier, over intercom: Manager to the front, please. I need change, please. I badly need change.
Girl to guy: You get the starch, condoms and Red Bull. I will get the rest.
LY: You flunk! Where is the footer?!
PTW: Footer for what? This is an email!
It's Too Early
Coffee sends shivers down my spine Cream and sugar makes you mine This wond’rous feeling is divine ha ha, ha ha, …. coffee!
“Listen to the voice of your penis.”
– Penis Enlargement Spam Message I Received
KoldKortex: knife
StrFireBlue: ah yeah
StrFireBlue: the pioneer of bladed weaponry
Boss: We should become alcoholics. That would make work so much easier.
Employee: That bottle of Bailey's in my filing cabinet only lasted me a week and a half.
Boss: You had Bailey's?
Employee: Ummm, no.
“Oh damn… I’m craving buttered rolls again…”
– Me
Kangaroos, FTW!
strfireblue: we make up our food plans on whim
KoldKortex: lol
KoldKortex: "today we shall eat kangaroo"
WatchDivinity Destroyed - “Forsaken” (Just a test to see if I can get MP3’s up here again)
“I’m talkin’ Squirrely Wrath and it’s way overdue.”
– Foamy (Our Lord and Master)
What Do People Have Against Puppies?
Chick #1, fawning over little pup: Oh my god, he is sooo adorable. Hellooo! Hellooo there, little guy! Awww, so cute. [She and her friend walk away.]
Chick #2: Oh, he was so cute! I wish I could have one.
Chick #1: I wish I could have stepped on the little thing and squished its little head.
Urban Dictionary: Cafediem
Caffeinate the day. To ask someone if they want a coffee, say “cafediem?”
Lydia: Why did George Bush cross the road?
Lydia: Because his penis was stuck in the chicken!
I have strange friends
he fucked the chicken and didn't have an exit strategy >_>
Small Bursts of Random
Autumn courses through my bones. It’s coming. I feel it. I dream about it. When I gaze longingly out the window, it greets me with feints and smiles. But it is not here. Not yet. Not now. They make DDR for my cell phone. How wrong is that? The fact that it is touted as a “true 3D” game boggles my mind. I won’t download it for the same reason I won’t get the...
“We’re cutting off one finger at a time now… that way they...”
– LY (in reference to our battle plan)
American Vagabonds →