July 2007
116 posts
Taken With My New enV
As you can see, the picture is pretty freaking good for a cell phone camera (and the subject is rather dashing as well, if I do say so myself). It trumps most other cell phones straight off. Can’t send a 2MP image in a pic msg, though, must use the smaller ones. Damn.
June 2007
79 posts
“Its just like Jenga, except with pants!”
“I am a short supermodel!”
Puffy Crotch Doll →
The only phrase coming to mind that is even remotely suitable for describing this is… “OMG WTF?!”
Dog In A Croc Suit →
Japanese Burger Cookies! →
“It amuses me to think of children as projectiles!”
“What about all these pantsless adventures I’ve been hearing so much about?”
– Me
“Is this an adventure that requires me to wear pants??”
– Faitoute
Kentucky Freud Chicken
It's Mother-fuckin' good.
kez said you you are a whiney bitch
Haha
and that you smell
Heh
and that you're gay
Lol
and that you like visual basic
THAT CUNT
They see me chocoboin'
they be hatin'
tryin' to catch me ridin' birdy
New Tribute to ADD
Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later... Oooh! Band-Aids!
Bush Hardcore Anti-Atheist →
Yet one more reason the government should have its head lopped off and a new one sewn back on.
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! I can see...
MILF, rummaging in beach bag: Calm down, sweetie. Take a deep breath and tell me exactly what you see.
Little girl: I can see... your... bagina.
I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
I rear-ended someone.
Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
I said, "so which one are you?"
GoldenAstralhawk (me): And lo, there came from high a goat whose hooves were so shiny that it blinded his fellow goats. They knelt and said unto him, "Baaahgar, thou art surely the most skilled warrior of us all, with thy hooves so shiny. Wilt thou lead us in the war with the LOG?" Baaahgar accepted with pride this post and lead his friends into battle on the morrow. Only his severed goat-head was returned. When the glittery hooves were gone they realized that 'twas not Baaahgar the Magnificent, but Baaahgar the Pig-monkey Wearing a Goat-suit. Beware thus, my friends, whenever the goat's hooves seem to glitter, it surely cannot be fate, but an old friend turning a trick gone horribly bad.
Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don't you?
School child #1: Yo, Tupac is still alive.
School child #2: Yeah, I heard that, too. I heard he's strippin'. He's a stripper in LA.
A small child with them gets off train.
Old woman: Get back on the train! [Small child gives her the finger with both hands and runs away.]
School child #1: Yo, who is that kid?
School child #2: I don't know. I saw him in the bathroom. He was takin' a shit and he came out and smiled at me... And that's how I know him.
Woman: You know I'm afraid of birds, don't you? It's because of that movie and the time my mother burned down a gas station.
regexman, regexman, matches text when no one can
parses text, any size
captures strings, on the first try
look out, here comes the regexman
You're all a bunch of fucking nerds
so awesome
Random Poetry - Anointed
It’s raining outside and this tumbled out, just like they always do. The rain tumbles from the split sky Sheets of rage let loose to drown us The blasphemous ones But we are the anointed Stuck in time Lost in plumes of fog
Woman #1: I fell down the stairs yesterday.
Woman #2: Oh my god! Me, too! What happened?
Woman #1: I don't know. I just fell.
Woman #2: I guess I'm a little better than you -- a possum was chasing me.
Chick #1: What took so long?
Chick #2: We were so close to getting the squirrel, you have no idea...
Girl: I'm not a nerd.
Boy: Yeah, you are.
Girl: Well, if I'm a nerd, you're a nerd.
Boy: No, I'm not.
Girl: Yes, you are.
Boy: No. Being a nerd is not a transitive property!
Cop, taking report of stolen car: Ok, what was the color, make and model?
Metro Guy: It's cranberry and...
Cop: Cranberry's something you eat, son, your car was red.
“If I was a locksmith, I’d be pimping that out man. I’ll trade you a...”
– Mitch Hedberg
Kitten Again →
Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough →
Cute Overload: A Kitten →
Random Story Starts
This is taken from a collection of story starters I had lying around, little clips of stories that I had started writing and abandoned for whatever reason or had deemed unworthy of further attention. I thought this one was cool… but then again, I’m listening to Tool right now. Go figure. Her lipstick smeared black on her collar as she pulled herself up from the bone pile. How had...
“Traveling hearts divine the throne. I’ve forgotten to.”
– System of a Down - Highway Song
WatchCyanide and Happiness Movies!
Pictures of the Real Firefox →
binary sex: I'll put my 1 in your 0, left-shift untill I overflow and your be left just saying ooooooooooooooo!
